People suck
Who’s with me on this?
November 2010
50 posts
I know you don't need it but I have 74 pages left to finish your book. I posted my little thing on your book. All good things to say :) I can't wait to finish the book....I wish I didn't leave it at work.
I thought I would just tell you that I am trying to share the word on this good book.
Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
This week's Douche of the Week nominees...
Last week’s #1 Douche award went to my old landlord and Dick Cheney lookalike Larry. So Dubya won the first week and a Cheney clone won the next. I see a pattern. Anyhoo, here’s week three’s nominees…
A) Sean Combs, whose explains away the thuggish name of his crappy group Diddy-Dirty Money by saying, “Dirty Money is not about no drug money, illegal money, or anything negative. Dirty Money is a look, a sound, a movement, and a crew.” (Nice grammar.)
B) Glenn Beck, whose well-documented comments about Holocaust survivor George Soros were so incendiary that he even pissed off some Conservatives, as well as lapsed Jews such as myself.
C) The entire Dallas Cowboys roster, who acted like lazy, disinterested Pop Warner Leaguers until owner Jerry Jones fired their admittedly crappy coach Wade Phillips, and replaced him with the seemingly cool Jason Garrett, at which point they started putting forth an effort.
D) My across-the-alley neighbor, who lets her loud-ass dogs out into her backyard at 6:00 AM, and leaves them out for hours at a time, regardless of the weather. If I were treated that badly, I’d bark all day too.
Click here to join the Alan Goldsher Douche of the Week Facebook club.
PS - This is my 500th post! Such a milestone…
Complete this sentence
I ate so much Thanksgiving food last night that my stomach…Give me three things you're thankful for other than loved ones, and good health, and stuff like that, e.g...
1) Long, hot baths.
2) Hub 51’s chicken nachos.
3) A Kindle filled with unread books.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Eat some turkey brains for me, me pretties!
Mark your calendars: An ebook version of GIVE DEATH A CHANCE: THE BRITISH ZOMBIE INVASION 2, the sequel to PAUL IS UNDEAD, will be available on July 12, 2011.
For a sneak preview, click here to visit the GIVE DEATH A CHANCE blog.
I know that Yoko is a ninja in the story but did John made her into a zombie like himself? I always wanted to know that.
John did not turn Yoko. He loved her as she was…just like in real life.
I had a dream...
…in which I signed a contract with the Boston Celtics (it was very detailed; the deal was for $54 million over three years), which is weird, because A) I hate the Celtics, and would never sign with them; B) I’m a terrible, terrible basketball player; and C) I’m almost certain they don’t have the salary cap room to afford $54 million over three years.
The winner of the first ever Alan Goldsher Douche of the Week Award is ex-President George W. Bush. Click here to join the FB Douche of the Week group so you can vote for this week's nominees, who are... →
#!
A) San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker, who not only cheated on his wife — the very attractive and seemingly sweet Eva Longoria — but got caught because he apparently left 200-ish text messages from his mistress on his cellphone.
B) Sarah Palin, who got all whiny, bitchy, and litigious when The Gawker gave her zillions of dollars in free advertising by leaking excerpts from her book a mere four days before the release.
C) The Transportation Security Administration, who have given air travelers two choices at the airport security checkpoint: Get zitzed with some x-ray radiation crap, or get your boobies/weenies bopped around by an underpaid, most-likely-pissed-off-about-something airport employee.
D) My old landlord Larry, who tried to keep our entire security deposit because he claimed we trashed his apartment, when in reality, any necessary work that needed to be done — e.g., painting the place — fell under the category of “normal wear and tear.” Additionally, he never took care of a goodly number of glitches that were there since day one. Additionally additionally, the dude is the spitting image of Dick Cheney, which in and of itself merits Douche of the Week consideration.
Hi Alan,
I'm really interested in the book about Art Blakey, but when I look on amazon, there is only a hardcover version. Is there a paperback available, because I'm really a paperback adept.
Thanks,
Rick Stolk
Hi, Rick-
Unfortunately it was only published in hardcover. The Miles Davis book will be paperback only, so there’s that…
cheers,
alan
HERE'RE THE DETAILS OF MY FORTHCOMING MILES DAVIS BOOK
It’ll be called MILES DAVIS FAQ, and my old pals at Hal Leonard are doing me the honor of publishing it. (Hardcore Goldsher fans will recall that they pubbed my Art Blakey bio back in 2002.) It’ll be filled with random facts, fun opinions, gobs of pictures, and will hit the stores in 2012 or 2013.
So psyched to be writing a Miles book…
1500 followers and counting. Hells to the yeah!
Just got my 1500th follower. I love each and every one of you. (Except you over there. No, not you. You. Yeah, you. You know who you are, and you know why.)
The official "My Favorite Fangs" press release
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
“PAUL IS UNDEAD” AUTHOR BLOODIES VON TRAPP FAMILY
Alan Goldsher Mashes The Sound of Music with Vampires in My Favorite Fangs
November 16, 2010
Alan Goldsher, author of the critically acclaimed Beatles/horror/comedy novel Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion, is going to once again blend a pop culture touchstone with a paranormal entity in My Favorite Fangs, a retelling of The Sound of Music in which the von Trapp family are vampires (except, of course, for Liesl, who is the clan’s mortal guide), and Julie Andrews is an ass-kicking destroyer of the undead.
Thomas Dunne/St. Martin’s Press will publish My Favorite Fangs in late 2011 or early 2012.
Goldsher says, “The conceit here is that the real life von Trapps want to put an end to the filming of The Sound of Music, because they don’t care for how they’re being portrayed. My Favorite Fangs will be filled with bumbling Nazis, and teenagers knockin’ boots, and catsuit-wearing movie stars, and if that doesn’t say ‘family fun,’ I don’t know what does.”
One of the book world’s surprise successes of 2011, Paul Is Undead was hailed as “Bloody brilliant” by Parade magazine, and received a starred review from Publishers Weekly. “My goal with this new project is to build on my mash-up empire,” Goldsher says. “Okay, I don’t have a mash-up empire, per se, but I figure if I amp up the body count with this book, it’s only a matter of time.”
For more information about Alan, please visit http://www.AlanGoldsher.com
Contact:
Jason Ashlock
Movable Type Literary Group
(646) 573-9866
jason.ashlock@MovableTypeNYC.com
or
Alan Goldsher
AlanGoldsher@gmail.com
What's bigger news, the announcement of my "Sound of Music"/vampire mashup, or the Beatles first day on iTunes?
Wait, don’t answer that.
